Coyote

Currently I am stranded in Seattle due to a blizzard. So I have spent my day watching movies. Unfortunately, one of those movies was "Let the Right One In," a movie that is currently on the top 250 list on IMDB with an overall rating of 8.3 out of ten. Apparently the people who vote on IMDB are goth kids who got picked on in high school (I know it's hard to imagine that goth's were outcasts in some high schools in America). Anyways, here is the entire movie in a nutshell (spoiler alert!): a 12 year old vampire girl and her father kill people so she can drink their blood, but unlike other horror movies she has a romantic relationship with a boy her age who is constantly getting beat up in school. That's it. That is the entire movie. I know if someone told you the plot to Donnie Darko (a genuinely good movie) it would sound stupid as well, however this movie really just pushed the envelope too far. A talking bunny that tells you to burn down buildings, I have no problem with that, but a 12 year old vampire girl falling in love with this little twerp who brings nothing to the bargaining table except for a Rubics Cube which he lets her borrow. Big deal. I've given tons of girls Rubics Cubes. This movie blows.


The Vampires - Han Yu Qu



Arcade Fire - Vampire

It's coooooooooold Outside!

Coyote

The winter always makes me think of Bob Dylan's Blonde on Blonde record. All of the songs sound like they are being drowned in snow. Even on the cover of the album he looks like he is freezing his ass off.

So tomorrow I leave for Minnesota, the home of Bob Dylan and the freezing cold. It seems like wherever there is terrible cold weather there is a lot of drinking going on (Russia, Wisconsin, Tibet,...etc). I know, there is a lot of drinking happening in Mexico, New Orleans, and that shit ass state where Ponce De Leon thought he found the fountain of youth (the nude beaches in Miami can be very deceiving), but there is a key difference. These warm places are where tourists come to drink and party. In cold places people are not drinking in order to sleep with one another. They just have drinking problems (Wisconsin has the highest rate of alcohol abuse in the US, Russia has the highest rate of alcoholism in the entire world). It's not because drinking keeps you warm (it actually opens up your capillaries and makes your core temperature colder) or that there is nothing better to do in these cold places (ie. Wisconsin Dells (a water park in the midwest), Hockey in Russia, and in Tibet....well there is nothing to do in Tibet except drink or meditate, but 2 out 3 examples is not bad). So why do people in cold climates drink until it is a problem? Answer: Because the cold sucks. Drinking doesn't make you warmer, but it does make you forget how bad it sucks to be cold.

Bob Dylan - Stuck Inside of Mobile


Bob Dylan - Just Like a Woman

I got drunk

Sorry kiddies, I over did it the other day which came at the expense of my marvelous blog postings which I know were sorely missed as per all the fan mail I received.

An old friend came by the bar, the drinks kept being poured and my will power quickly melted away into a glass of Olympia and Old Crow. It's one of those situations where you know its a bad idea and you know you will pay for it in the end but friendship and camaraderie superseded the warning signals.

A few months back I caught a History Channel program that was going over the multiple levels of hell as people of the middle ages believed them to be. What struck me was that many of these people were not necessarily evil, it was simply that they loved too much. Adulterers, drunkards, liars, the power-hungry were all possessors of great desire beyond reasonable moderation and as such society judged them to burn in Hell for all time.

I personally don't believe Hell exists in the afterlife for many reasons. If anything hell exists here on earth, perhaps at a Hannah Montana concert or your local Wal-Mart. I recommend checking out the most recent This American Life entitled "Heretic" about a big name preacher who loses his belief in Hell and faces the consequences.

Anyhoo, the tracks I have for you today are a fancy hit from the fancy boys of Vampire Weekend. I like the song because its complex, much like my religious beliefs or lack thereof. At a few points in the song I hear a little Peter Gabriel.

Then of course a John Denver classic and then a little Hell on Earth for you.



Vampire Weekend - Ottoman





John Denver - Please Daddy Don't get Drunk This Christmas




Hannah Montana - Best of Both Worlds

Busted! - Only a Fool Would Say That

Coyote

There's a lot of hubub going around about Coldplay ripping off Joe Satarani. Now I know Coldplay hasn't made a good record in years, but does anyone really think they have sunk so low as to even listen to a Joe Satarani record, or take it a step further and rip him off? So the guys a good guitar player, right? Who cares. Being good at jacking-off does not dignify being worthy of attention (unless of course this is happening on a public bus). That is essentially Joe Satarani's music. Now if you are good at jacking OTHER PEOPLE off, well that is horse of a whole different color. Now you've got something. That is essentially good music. Sorry Joe, no one is ripping you off, but go ahead and steal a meal from Chris Martin's children. They can have caviar instead of bald eagle for dinner.

So last night I found a real rip-off. That's right folks. You heard it here first. Sherlock Coyote has uncovered a real heist by a band who few people give two shits about ripping off a band that a few old people give a shit about. Check out the pudding, their lies the proof (I am sorry I have wasted your time posting these crappy songs, but this is purely in the name of science).

Eagles of Death Metal - Now I'm a Fool


Steely Dan - Only a Fool Would Say That


Eagles of Death Metal Dude, probably plotting what band everyone has forgot about he can rip off next

R.I.P. Jmafia's hand

A ferocious tiger about to eat Jmafia's hand.

Coyote

I have some terrible news. It appears a tiger has eaten Jmafia's hand and now he does not have the ability to type and post blog messages (I don't know this "first hand," because he won't be able to pick up his phone if I call him, but I think this is the most logical explanation). That or all of those donations to the sperm bank have finally caught up to him and the pesky US legal system has forced him to go into hiding to avoid paying baby money.

Speaking of disappointments, if you care, the old crusty post-hipsters at Pitchfork have posted their 100 best songs of the year. One is lead to believe with a title like "100 best songs of 2008" that they would be posting 100 of the best songs of 2008. This is not the case. If "Blind" by "Hercules and Love Affair" is the best song of the year, than apparently the quality of the music produced each year is directly tied to the performance of the US stock market (sorry musicians from 1929).

You see, it is not that the people at Pitchfork are lazy or that they secretly hate music (at least I don't think so). The reality is that they are old and out of touch. They had this great idea 10 or so years ago to start reviewing music on the "series of tubes" known as the World Wide Web. One day they were sitting in their ice houses freezing their fucking asses off in Chicago thinking what a great idea it would be to spend their days inside listening to music and telling other people how much their music sucked. It was a brilliant idea! Why wouldn't we listen to them? I mean, wikipedia has an entry for them so they must be speakers of the truth. Anyways, in the same way that Henry Ford once revolutionized the auto industry by making quality cars affordable for the working man, eventually the company lost it's touch became old and started making bad decisions. Today the Ford company is worth dick and to prove how poor they are at making decisions they own the worst team in the NFL, the Detroit Lions (they also build shitty cars that no one wants to buy and are located in Detroit). Pitchfork has run it's course. It's time to hang in the towel and let someone else tell us that our music is shitty. Pitchfork is welcome to continue to give ten stars to the Fleet Foxes and other bands that are conducive to old peoples activities such as sleep, but really they should focus more on issues that the general populace really cares about, like how much bling Snoop Dog has on his gold chalice or Hannah Montana's latest nip slip. Go the way of MTV and Rolling Stone and other music publications that had their day in the sun, but are now sleeping in hammocks. It will make us all feel a lot better about ourselves not having grandpa making dated comments at the dinner table.



Dutchess and the Duke - Strangers


Dutchess and the Duke - Back to Me

The Wasteland

Coyote

California - It's almost a country. It has the 9th biggest economy in the world if it were it's own country and the 2nd highest number of douchebags (if you include douche bagland, a country that I just made up). Anyways here are two bands from California. Masters of the Hemisphere are actually from Georgia, but one of the band members moved to California so they qualify for this most esteemed achievement of getting posted on my blog under "the Wasteland."

MC Honkey - The Object


Masters of the Hemisphere - Take Time

The U S of A!!!

America (Actually there are a couple other countries in this picture. See if you can find them).


Coyote

Since we've begun this trend of posting music of bands from one or two countries (depending on if you believe New Zealand is it's own country), let's move onto the next one, America. It turns out there are a lot of bands that come from this country (music might have also been invented here, I'll let you know when I get a chance to check out Wikipedia). Their national exports are food, freedom, and democracy (and sometimes war). According to the Olympics, America is really good at swimming (probably because there is so much water surrounding it's large land mass). Anyways, if you get a chance, you should checkout some music from this country. It's really good.

Hooray for Earth - Take Care


Spoon - Carryout Kids

New Zealand Strikes Back!

JMAFIA


(Editor's Note: My co-blogger knew that Lord of the Rings was filmed in New Zealand. He just didn't feel NZ was important enough to mention. The people of Christchurch and Auckland are therefore pissed.)

Whoa Whoa Whoa. Ladies and Gentleman, do not believe everything you read on the internet. My co-blogger seems to infer that Lord of the Rings was filmed in Australia. I just got off the nerd-phone with the head "LOTR" "Nerd" "Wizard" "Guy" and "LOTR" was filmed in New Zealand, not Australia as the previous article seems to suggest or omit from his post.


I've been a big fan of Australia ever since Real World Sydney came on in 2007. Australia seems to be the Hotlanta of horny dumb chicks and dance beats these days.



I did a lot of Research on New Zealand bands and I've found the best band of the entire country. They are called The Trons. Below is a video of them playing. Clearly the robots are winning.

In the Blood of British Convicts there is New Wave

Coyote

Why is the music scene in the southern hemisphere so fucking good right now! Cut Copy, the Presets, Empire of the Sun, and Clubfeet are all freaking amazing bands that have put out good albums this year. I have never been to Australia or that place where they filmed Lord of the Rings, but I picture disco's on every corner with beautiful girls in New Wave cloths.

Clubfeet - Edge of Extremes


Cut Copy - So Haunted

Sex and Mix Tapes

Paris Spleen


Coyote

The Christian Right has it totally wrong. I don't mean their views on denying gay couples the same rights as straight couples, their belief in an invisible being that answers your prayers in the same way the government grants bailouts to banks, or the belief that eating shellfish is an abomination (clearly these views are well thought out and well founded). I am talking about their view that sex is somehow sacred and should be reserved for marriage. I'm not saying this because I am a sex maniac or because I believe that everyone should be trying to eliminate the human race as soon as possible through the spread of STD's from promiscuous sex. I say this because there is something much more sacred. Mix CDs. It takes a special girl to be given a mix CD. I have had sex with far more girls than I have given mix CD's to (and this is not because I have had an abundance of sex, believe you me). You have to really care about a girl to give her a mix CD (unless you are a desperate man and you are just giving girls mix CD's hoping that they will sleep with you. Have you no shame, have you no principals you cowardly men)! Anyways, my point is this. The Christian Right puts way too much emphasis on sex (maybe they are all sex fiends) causing many married men and women to have the most disappointing sex for the rest of their lives because they married someone who is bad in bed and they didn't test drive the car before they bought it. Enjoy your sex, savor your mix CDs!

Paris Spleen - Sex Disco


Raphael Saadiq - Let's Take a Walk

Perfect Red

Coyote

Ghost Family is certainly a delight to see and hear. A male lead singer has never so gracefully dressed in a pink furry coat without looking like some pit stain from LA who goes to Burning Man every year. Now that the nostalgia has kicking in I must post what was just a matter of time before one of us did.

Branta - Perfect Red


Branta - Pigeons (early demo)




http://www.myspace.com/branta

"Until I learn how to love myself I'm just a sick little kid trying to steal your health." - Branta

Robots vs. Humans

JMAFIA

Oh Chad! You almost had me with that Winnie Cooper reference. But Winnie was always a tease and possibly a robot, incapable of truly expressing any emotion. In fact the actress who played Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar) is a total math nerd author, clearly a robot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danica_McKellar).If anything Winnie was an expression of the unattainable. The girl you grew up next to who is supposed to be your sweetheart. Thankfully the Wonder Years was right in that Kevin and Winnie were never meant for each other. But I digress.

I will not be promoting The Teenagers today or any day. Their self-promotion and forced sarcasm to cover over their true nature of love only for their own career and satisfaction epitomizes one Winnie Cooper (and The Blakes for that matter). In fact, I would argue that their narcissism and lack of true feeling is why they appeal to their Anglo_European audience. But if it's cheap therapy for you go ahead.

Instead I offer up San Francisco's The Ghost Family (http://www.myspace.com/ghostfamilycom). A band that is so awesome you can't even buy their cd. And they only have 434 myspace friends. hahahahahahahhahharharhar!!! The teenagers have 89,756 myspace friends. Clearly the robots are winning.

This is a band I came across at a local house show. they projected home made cartoons on the wall while they were playing. These guys fart talent and it doesn't even smell. In fact after the show I went skinny dipping with them and a bunch of other cool cats and I did see boobs but I haven't talked about it until now, but yeah it was awesome. These guys are so awesome I don't even know the names of their songs, they won't tell you.

So suck it self promoting robots, the humans are out there and they know how to cry and laugh and play the guitar and piano and sing. Suck it Japan!

ghost family - Track 06



ghost family - track 08

We are the Teenagers

Coyote

It's funny that you mention Herman Dune singing with a young man's lament. Ben Lee was 20 when he released the songs you posted. I clearly remember listening to "How To Survive A Broken Heart" in high school before I had even touched a girl's boob (not to say that touching a girl's boob is a requirement for her to break your heart, but clearly the only broken heart I knew at the time was when Winnie Cooper started dating other dudes on the Wonder Years. That dirty dirty tramp!).

Anyways, I heard this remix of the the band the Teenagers, "Feeling Better," today and despite it's complete childish and cheesy nature, this song really makes me happy (like the time I actually did touch a girl's boob). Let me preface this post by saying this band is really awful live (with the exception of their drummer who might be a robot with no emotion, but I still fancy her).




The Teenagers - Feeling Better (Dr Ronny Remix)

JMAFIA

Herman Dune sings of a young man's lament. He is too young to really have achieved much social status but too old to be a free spirit. Herman feels as if he's being left behind by sports stars, the physically gifted or the rich. In some ways his sadness is welcomed because at least he feels something. At least something keeps him awake at night for surely complacency will kill him.




Ben lee is a guy I came across while I was rewatching MTV hit television sensation "My So Called Life" because it turns out this asshole was dating superhot Claire Danes for years. And still this bastard sings sad songs. But they are good sad songs and that makes me less resentful toward him. He's not with Claire anymore which helps http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Lee.

Recently, I met up with an old friend who asked me what was going on in my life. With the deadpan depressing sarcasm I'm known for I replied, "A lot goes on but nothing happens" which is a direct quote from Ben Lee's song. With much of Herman Dune's youthful regret I find myself thinking this phrase from time to time with just enough discontent to perhaps push me forward so that this answer would no longer be fitting of my life.

Ben Lee - 'Nothing Much Happens


Ben Lee - 'Cigarettes Will Kill You

Coyote


Herman Dune - 'Not on Top


Herman Dune - 'My Baby Is Afraid Of Sharks

Heard Unheard is Born!

Heard Unheard is two dudes from Seattle posting music and commenting on each others selections.