Busted! - Only a Fool Would Say That

Coyote

There's a lot of hubub going around about Coldplay ripping off Joe Satarani. Now I know Coldplay hasn't made a good record in years, but does anyone really think they have sunk so low as to even listen to a Joe Satarani record, or take it a step further and rip him off? So the guys a good guitar player, right? Who cares. Being good at jacking-off does not dignify being worthy of attention (unless of course this is happening on a public bus). That is essentially Joe Satarani's music. Now if you are good at jacking OTHER PEOPLE off, well that is horse of a whole different color. Now you've got something. That is essentially good music. Sorry Joe, no one is ripping you off, but go ahead and steal a meal from Chris Martin's children. They can have caviar instead of bald eagle for dinner.

So last night I found a real rip-off. That's right folks. You heard it here first. Sherlock Coyote has uncovered a real heist by a band who few people give two shits about ripping off a band that a few old people give a shit about. Check out the pudding, their lies the proof (I am sorry I have wasted your time posting these crappy songs, but this is purely in the name of science).

Eagles of Death Metal - Now I'm a Fool


Steely Dan - Only a Fool Would Say That


Eagles of Death Metal Dude, probably plotting what band everyone has forgot about he can rip off next

R.I.P. Jmafia's hand

A ferocious tiger about to eat Jmafia's hand.

Coyote

I have some terrible news. It appears a tiger has eaten Jmafia's hand and now he does not have the ability to type and post blog messages (I don't know this "first hand," because he won't be able to pick up his phone if I call him, but I think this is the most logical explanation). That or all of those donations to the sperm bank have finally caught up to him and the pesky US legal system has forced him to go into hiding to avoid paying baby money.

Speaking of disappointments, if you care, the old crusty post-hipsters at Pitchfork have posted their 100 best songs of the year. One is lead to believe with a title like "100 best songs of 2008" that they would be posting 100 of the best songs of 2008. This is not the case. If "Blind" by "Hercules and Love Affair" is the best song of the year, than apparently the quality of the music produced each year is directly tied to the performance of the US stock market (sorry musicians from 1929).

You see, it is not that the people at Pitchfork are lazy or that they secretly hate music (at least I don't think so). The reality is that they are old and out of touch. They had this great idea 10 or so years ago to start reviewing music on the "series of tubes" known as the World Wide Web. One day they were sitting in their ice houses freezing their fucking asses off in Chicago thinking what a great idea it would be to spend their days inside listening to music and telling other people how much their music sucked. It was a brilliant idea! Why wouldn't we listen to them? I mean, wikipedia has an entry for them so they must be speakers of the truth. Anyways, in the same way that Henry Ford once revolutionized the auto industry by making quality cars affordable for the working man, eventually the company lost it's touch became old and started making bad decisions. Today the Ford company is worth dick and to prove how poor they are at making decisions they own the worst team in the NFL, the Detroit Lions (they also build shitty cars that no one wants to buy and are located in Detroit). Pitchfork has run it's course. It's time to hang in the towel and let someone else tell us that our music is shitty. Pitchfork is welcome to continue to give ten stars to the Fleet Foxes and other bands that are conducive to old peoples activities such as sleep, but really they should focus more on issues that the general populace really cares about, like how much bling Snoop Dog has on his gold chalice or Hannah Montana's latest nip slip. Go the way of MTV and Rolling Stone and other music publications that had their day in the sun, but are now sleeping in hammocks. It will make us all feel a lot better about ourselves not having grandpa making dated comments at the dinner table.



Dutchess and the Duke - Strangers


Dutchess and the Duke - Back to Me

The Wasteland

Coyote

California - It's almost a country. It has the 9th biggest economy in the world if it were it's own country and the 2nd highest number of douchebags (if you include douche bagland, a country that I just made up). Anyways here are two bands from California. Masters of the Hemisphere are actually from Georgia, but one of the band members moved to California so they qualify for this most esteemed achievement of getting posted on my blog under "the Wasteland."

MC Honkey - The Object


Masters of the Hemisphere - Take Time

The U S of A!!!

America (Actually there are a couple other countries in this picture. See if you can find them).


Coyote

Since we've begun this trend of posting music of bands from one or two countries (depending on if you believe New Zealand is it's own country), let's move onto the next one, America. It turns out there are a lot of bands that come from this country (music might have also been invented here, I'll let you know when I get a chance to check out Wikipedia). Their national exports are food, freedom, and democracy (and sometimes war). According to the Olympics, America is really good at swimming (probably because there is so much water surrounding it's large land mass). Anyways, if you get a chance, you should checkout some music from this country. It's really good.

Hooray for Earth - Take Care


Spoon - Carryout Kids

New Zealand Strikes Back!

JMAFIA


(Editor's Note: My co-blogger knew that Lord of the Rings was filmed in New Zealand. He just didn't feel NZ was important enough to mention. The people of Christchurch and Auckland are therefore pissed.)

Whoa Whoa Whoa. Ladies and Gentleman, do not believe everything you read on the internet. My co-blogger seems to infer that Lord of the Rings was filmed in Australia. I just got off the nerd-phone with the head "LOTR" "Nerd" "Wizard" "Guy" and "LOTR" was filmed in New Zealand, not Australia as the previous article seems to suggest or omit from his post.


I've been a big fan of Australia ever since Real World Sydney came on in 2007. Australia seems to be the Hotlanta of horny dumb chicks and dance beats these days.



I did a lot of Research on New Zealand bands and I've found the best band of the entire country. They are called The Trons. Below is a video of them playing. Clearly the robots are winning.

In the Blood of British Convicts there is New Wave

Coyote

Why is the music scene in the southern hemisphere so fucking good right now! Cut Copy, the Presets, Empire of the Sun, and Clubfeet are all freaking amazing bands that have put out good albums this year. I have never been to Australia or that place where they filmed Lord of the Rings, but I picture disco's on every corner with beautiful girls in New Wave cloths.

Clubfeet - Edge of Extremes


Cut Copy - So Haunted

Sex and Mix Tapes

Paris Spleen


Coyote

The Christian Right has it totally wrong. I don't mean their views on denying gay couples the same rights as straight couples, their belief in an invisible being that answers your prayers in the same way the government grants bailouts to banks, or the belief that eating shellfish is an abomination (clearly these views are well thought out and well founded). I am talking about their view that sex is somehow sacred and should be reserved for marriage. I'm not saying this because I am a sex maniac or because I believe that everyone should be trying to eliminate the human race as soon as possible through the spread of STD's from promiscuous sex. I say this because there is something much more sacred. Mix CDs. It takes a special girl to be given a mix CD. I have had sex with far more girls than I have given mix CD's to (and this is not because I have had an abundance of sex, believe you me). You have to really care about a girl to give her a mix CD (unless you are a desperate man and you are just giving girls mix CD's hoping that they will sleep with you. Have you no shame, have you no principals you cowardly men)! Anyways, my point is this. The Christian Right puts way too much emphasis on sex (maybe they are all sex fiends) causing many married men and women to have the most disappointing sex for the rest of their lives because they married someone who is bad in bed and they didn't test drive the car before they bought it. Enjoy your sex, savor your mix CDs!

Paris Spleen - Sex Disco


Raphael Saadiq - Let's Take a Walk